What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
