Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
