Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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