This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
