He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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