been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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