grandma shit on top of the toilet
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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