seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
