hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
