lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
