What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
