he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
