Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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