If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.