youre lurking in front of me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high