It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door