I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock