I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....