I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.