I think my vagina is haunted
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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