Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
