i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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