My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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