I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
