Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
