I'm going to jail i love you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
