I CAN MOONWALK!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
