you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
