Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
