Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
