Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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