Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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