come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
