Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
