shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
