Can i not drive my cunt home
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
