they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
