when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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