do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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