My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
