We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
