I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
