Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
