I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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