dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
