I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
