just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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