More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
