My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
