Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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