I wanna bring you to show and tell
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
