Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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