Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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