you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
