you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
