New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
