All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have post one night stand depression
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