Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
