Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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