i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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