i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The power of my boobs compel you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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