i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
