I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
