all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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