Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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