you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
