Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
