i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
