im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
