Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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