I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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