he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
