Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
