I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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