i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
