I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
