Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
