last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
