i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
