I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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