she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
